Twins

3:06am. Woke up hurting fierce. Fiery pain in my belly. Front, left side. Just above the belt.

Unmistakable pain. Kidney stone.

Woke up Melanie. Writhed in pain. Broke into feverish sweat. Thankfully Mamaw & Karli are here from Louisiana so we didn't need to wait for childcare.

This is my third kidney stone, but first since we've had children. A few days after I'd endured stone two, I'd heard from a co-worker who'd had three children--naturally--& two kidney stones that stones hurt worse than childbirth. Of course that evening I went home & announced this to Melanie. I was, in a sense, defending my honor & propping up my wounded ego after my unmanly behavior of rolling on the living room floor wanting to cry for my Mama. Melanie, ever quick, her eyes fixed like pins popping my balloon stated, "If you breathe a breath of that when I am in labor, I will slap you into next week!"

I still tell that story, however. Just did. You read it.

Back to today... Got my kind nurse. Got my confident nursing student. Got my little open back gown. Got my IV. Got my nicer than expected lady doc. Got some morphine.

Didn't take the edge off. Kidney stone pain tends to come in waves. Not unlike contractions. Mine were coming about every three minutes at that point. That means its time to deliver, right?

Got to the cat scan room. Didn't hear a meow. Maybe a purr as that thing spun. Not even the sight of any shed fur. It is a hospital you know. Clean. Gotta ask how they remediate that pesky fur.

Quicker than I knew it was legal as per some unspoken hospital rule I got my test results. Resisting my urge to ask where the cats were hidden, I got the news from the doc. Yes, my medical layman's diagnosis was accurate: kidney stone. 3.5 millimeters. The good news: It is ready to pass soon. The bad news: There is a second one "up in there." Her professional medical terminology.

Twins. One is ready to deliver. Soon I hope. The other may linger.

Got some Toradol. That worked. After two hours in pain, ten minutes of Toradol had me feeling much better. And the doc even threw in a RX for the road so I could go home before my sleeping kids even knew I'd been gone: hydrocodone.

So, in honor of the drugs that work for me, I decided right there to name my pain in waves like contraction causing twins, Tori & Hydi.

Yes, I'm "under the influence" even now. Could you tell? A cheap-drunk pastor with a laptop & a blog can be a dangerous thing. My hope is that I made you smile & maybe even laugh.

My greater hope, however, is to deliver the twins soon.

Who I Am

The reFocusing proccess at my church asked us to discover who God has created us to be. As a reminder to myself, here I am.

My Biblical Purpose

I exist to be loved by God through the risen Savior & the powerful Spirit.

My Values

1. Kingdom: Living faithfully by the principles of the eternal Kingdom of Heaven.

2. Discipleship: Becoming evermore Christ-like & influencing others to be the same.

3. Missionary: Extending the Kingdom in an Acts 1:8 movement.

4. Courage: Surrendering in faith to take risks for the Kingdom.

5. Family: Loving my family whole-heartedly without compromise.

My Vision

My vision is to love my family in words and actions, prayers and presence as God loves me so that Melanie will be vibrant and my children will be confident.

My vision is to love the Church as a discerning pastor and a passionate preacher as Christ loves me so that we might see with an eternal perspective, walk in transformational discipleship, and live with a missional impact.

I desire the Kingdom of Heaven to be enlarged because I gave my life away.

Easter If...

I shared something like this with my congregation yesterday & wanted to share a grin with you...

It might be Easter if the sunrise meant a little more to you today than on any other day.

It might be Easter if you stayed up late or woke up early to iron some special clothes.

It might be Easter if you are, by choice or against your will & better judgment, wearing  some shade of pastel today.

It might be Easter if you considered how to start in on that tasty chocolate bunny: ears or tail?  Or maybe feet, so he can't run away!

It might be Easter if you were somehow in some way more considerate of your personal relationship with Jesus this week.

It might be Easter if you have some sort of artificial grass "growing" from your living room carpet right now.

It might be Easter if you have a ham in the oven & your worried that it'll be dried out if the preacher goes long.

It might be Easter if you are wondering where you hid that last plastic egg.  Was it under that or back there?

It might be Easter if its 10am & you have a sugar-buzz from all the candy you consumed before coming to church.

It might be Easter if you cried when we sang "Because He Lives" just a few moments ago.

It might be Easter if you are smiling beacuse you know Jesus loves you & even an army of bunnies with baskets & sweets can't get in the way of that truth.

Christ is risen.

He is risen indeed.

Present Tense

Somewhere along the way in one of my preacher books I learned that our English word eulogy means "good words." At any memorial service I officiate, I am sure to recall as I know, or call on others who do know, to speak good words about the person who has passed from this life.

Today, I write facing the inevitable passing of a trusted friend. I know his eternal destiny is secure in the hands of Jesus, but I mourn. I have been encouraged to think what I might say when officiating his memorial service. I know the Christlike character traits he exhibits that I will extol. I know I will preach from the book of James. I know I'll cry like I am right now...

But I know one more thing.

It would be unrighteous for me to wait until after he has passed into his eternal reward to speak these words of him. I must speak them to him while I still can.

Rather than saying, "I loved him because he was," to others, I must say, "I love you because you are," to him.

When you have something good to say--not just to the person near to heaven, but to everyone, anytime--when you notice an admirable deed, when you hear a kind word, when you see Christlike character, don't wait. Speak your blessing at that moment. Offer your praise without delay.

Philippians 4:8 challenges,

whatever is true

whatever is noble

whatever is pure

whatever is lovely

whatever is admirable

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy

think about such things.

Speak about them too.

Present tense.

Carrying

A warm spring day years ago when he was a toddler, Seth & I went to a Texas Rangers game. We sat high up from the right field foul line with few other fans around. With 20,000 empty seats there was plenty of space so we didn't sit for long. Seth wanted to roam. Up & down. Aisles to aisle. Home plate to foul pole. Right to left & back again & again & again in the picture of Ameriquest Field above. He had no concern for the game. He just toddled.

By the end of the game, going down the broad, spiralling walkway toward the exit Seth started to stumble. Weak from too many little steps around the big ballpark. Worn with blisters beginning on the sides of his sandals. I did what any Dad would do. I put him on my back to carry him. The tireless roamer laid his head on my back as I marched toward the car.

Yesterday, I was convicted by a verse:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

Romans 8:26

I was captured by the phrase "in our weakness."

The Bible has more to say about weakness:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Jesus' power is made perfect in our power? No. We delight in power? No. When I am powerful, then I am strong? No.

Weakness.

Our weakness. Astheneia in Greek means our "sickness, infirmity, feebleness or frailty." Sounds like that's close to the end. Sounds bad. Sounds like surrender. Surrender of our will. Giving up our delusion of control.

Yet it is there, at the end of ourselves, that the Spirit meets us to "help" us. And from the rare category of words defined with fewer letters or syllables that than the word itself posses... that Greek word for "help", sunantilambanomai, means "to carry with."

One of its roots is lambano, to receive or take. Among its occurrences in New Testament is Matthew 8:17. It says Jesus "took up" our astheneia (weakness, infirmity). To me that means, "to carry for."

Weak?

At the end?

Who is carrying with you?

Who is carrying for you?

Tears for a Friend

Have you ever cried for a friend?

You hurt because they hurt. You wish you could change their circumstances. You want to make it all better. You pray that everything would come right. You cry for a friend.

You see where things are headed. You expect the anticipated end. You know its just not here yet. You hope the end comes or maybe you hope against it. You cry for a friend.

I am comforted. Jesus cried for his friend, Lazarus. Jesus knows hurt. Jesus knows life. Jesus knows pain. Jesus knows me. He knows my friend.

Thank you, Jesus, for tears.

Thank you, Jesus, for my friend.

Thank you, Jesus, for befriending me.

Question Marks

Olympic marathoner, Peter Maher states, "Running is a big question mark that's there each & every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp, or are you going to be strong today?'"

I finished my second marathon feeling more wimp than strong on Saturday whipped by the 20-plus mph north winds that arrested my steps six out of the final eight miles. With greater nausea than celebration I crossed the finish line 10 minutes & 41 seconds beyond my four hour goal. Was I strong? Did I wimp out?

Running isn't a question mark for most. Life is. Work is. Marriage. Money. Parenting. Love. Forgiveness. Self. Pain. Addiction. Past. Future. Those are question marks.

How will I answer?

Where will I turn?

What will I do?

Who will I trust?

"There are grave difficulties on every hand, and more are looming ahead; therefore, we must go forward," wrote William Carey, founder of the modern missionary movement & no stranger to danger.

Psalm 23 goes so far to say that God's people will "walk through the valley of the shadow of death" & not over or around it. In John 10, Jesus refers to himself as the Good Shepherd who protects & cares for his followers that he analogizes to sheep. In verse four Jesus says, "his sheep follow him because they know his voice."

What do I do with the question marks in my life? The big ones? The scary ones? The little ones too?

Follow Jesus.

Move forward.

Answer the questions.