Not a Dotcom

"I'm not a dotcom sorta guy," I told my Techese-fluent friend, Chris De Jabet.

"I'm more of a dotnet," I said. The idea of a network of friends like you stopping by whenever they'd like holds more appeal to me. The "net" truncates "network", you know. Not that any of those suffixes matter much anymore, but that is how it started when Al Gore invented the internet.

Yes, I am moving. Blogger has been a great start, but the move to a Squarespace journal format allows my own domain name & much more functionality. I'll add photo galleries & other items as time allows in the future. Right now my site looks plainer than a shoe box, but that will change too.

Please join me at aaronhouseholder.net, Reader Friends, to continue the journey together. I'll keep writing. You keep stopping by or subscribing. The same subscription services, other than Google Friend Connect, are available now on my new site.

Will you join me?

By the way, I did purchase other domains, including dotcom, but I prefer being a dotnet sorta guy.

Terrifying Power

Does this photo terrify you?

I get the willies just looking at it. I wouldn't want to walk there much less ride my mountain bike. Take note that his wheels are not on the ground. And that "ground" is only a narrow ledge.

These are the Cliffs Of Mohan where one false move sends you 600 feet to the Irish rocks & Atlantic waves below.

Crazies - that is riders - exult in "riding the edge." Navigating the terrifying treachery of this trail includes jumping four foot gaps & riding along four inch ledges. I question if they are riding the edge of sanity.

Terrifying.

Flashback nearly 2000 years from Irish Cliffs to dusty Nazareth. Mark 6:1-6. Jesus goes back to his hometown synagogue the first time as a Rabbi. He is initially welcomed. Miracle making, powerful preaching rock star of his day. Yet, familiarity with "the carpenter" & contempt for "Mary's son" with no mention of his earthly father allowed his hometown crowd to label & dismiss him.

Mark 6:5 offers terrifying truth, "He could not do any miracles there except lay his hands on a few sick people."

The previous chapter plus, Mark 4:35-5:43, delivers a potent story trio with one purpose: displaying Jesus' awesome power. Jesus' power over nature, 4:35-41, calming the storm. Jesus' power over evil, 5:1-20, casting out the legion of demons. And 5:21-43, Jesus' power over sickness & death. Yet, here in his own hometown we learn the power of unbelief.

Mark 6:5 is one of the boldest statements of the Gospels. It tells us something Jesus will not to.

Jesus is God in flesh. Omnipotent. He CAN do anything. Yet Jesus chooses to limit his limitless power in accordance with the faith of people.

Terrifying.

Mark 6:6 reports of Jesus, "And he was amazed at their lack of faith." The only other time Jesus is said to be amazed in the Bible is by the faith of the Centurion who believed Jesus could heal his sick servant from a distance by word alone (Luke 7:9). Yet, the LACK of faith in his hometown amazes him.

What about you?

What do you think God can't do?

He can't change me. I'll have this habit forever.

He can't change them. They will always be that way.

He can't change the situation. I shouldn't even pray about it.

Do you realize that your lack of faith may be THE very reason he has not changed "it" whatever it is?

Terrifying.

You have power to stop the very thing that you need. You hold the keys to terrifying power. The power of unbelief.

Confess. Repent. Ask for faith.

May we live by faith fearing only of the holiness of God with no fear of our own faithlessness.

Why Bother?

A caffè latte is an espresso made with steamed milk, topped by foamed milk. The latte is the most popular espresso drink. As such, the latte has lots of jargonized options.

Some folks avoid coffee shops due to cost. Others due to spousal promises of caffeine avoidance. But some folks, like me, avoid them for fear of the the vocabulary. You gotta speak coffeese.

One such coffeese named latte came to mind while reading this morning. But I wasn't drinking one. Nor was I dreaming of one in caffeine withdrawals. I was reading, remember?

It is called a "Why Bother." A decaf, sugar free, nonfat latte.

Yes. Why bother? You just removed all the best reasons for drinking it! The caffeine, sugar & fat. All gone. What have you got left?

Why Bother latte? Because you can.

Why bother Jesus? Because he can.

Mark 4:35-5:43 is a potent story trio with one purpose: displaying Jesus' awesome power. Jesus' power over nature, 4:35-41, calming the storm. Jesus' power over evil, 5:1-20, casting out the legion of demons. And, here in 5:21-43, Jesus' power over sickness & death.

Jairus, a synagogue ruler with a dying daughter, falls down pleading before Jesus. "Please come & put your hands on her so that she will be healed." I am a Daddy who loves his little girl. I've got welly eyes & a lumpy throat as I feel this.

Jesus went with Jairus. Jairus hoped in Jesus.

But then, a woman, a woman with an issue of blood catches Jesus' attention along the way. The woman is healed. But Jairus' daughter dies.

Bad news bearers ask, "Why bother the teacher any more?," in verse 35.

Why bother?

Dead is dead.

Dead is final.

Jesus might have healed her while alive.

Now she is dead.

Jesus can not have that sort of power.

Why bother?

But. Thanks be to God, Jesus is more powerful than earthly anything even faithless anyones.

Goes verse 36, "Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, 'Don't be afraid. Just believe.'" The little girl was raised from the dead.

Why bother?

Because Jesus can.

(All Scriptures references NIV.)

Pigsworth

Dawn follows the once stormy then miraculously calm night of my last post. Jesus has crossed the Sea of Galilee west to east for his first mission into Gentile territory. Reference Mark 5:1-20. Immediately upon landing he is confronted by a demon possessed man. So violent was this man, he’d been known to cut himself & shriek uncontrollably. So strong that chains & fetters couldn’t hold him. So problematic he’d been driven to live among the dead in cave tombs rather than in town or a village.

Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"

"My name is Legion," he replied, "for we are many."

Legion. That was 6000+ Roman soldiers. This man was possessed by more demons than could be counted.

Demons, speaking through the man, ask Jesus to be merciful enough to allow them to be sent into a herd of pigs nearby. About 2000 of them. Jesus allows this. Then, explainable only by the desire to cause harm to some incarnate being, the demons rush the pigs down the steep bank to drown.

Herdsmen run to spread the news. The returning crowd sees the restored man sitting calmly & clothed. “They were afraid,” Mark 5:15 states. They ask Jesus to leave their region.

Formerly fearful of the formerly fearsome demon possessed man. Now fearful of The Man possessing the power to cast out demons.

Their fear is stated.

Their care is not.

It may appear that they cared more for the pigs than they did for their newly freed neighbor. I was just about to write about that. But. The Bible makes no statement of it & we can not know what they were thinking. We can know what we would be thinking.

If those were my pigs & that frightening fella & some Jewish miracle worker from across the Sea had caused it, I know who I’d be mad at. I’d think my first reaction would be anger. My pigs. My property. Gone. And for what? The chain-breaking menace? The shrieking nuisance? So this Jewish preacher guy could display some crazy power?

If so…

I’d need to ask the forgiveness of the Jewish Preacher with crazy power. I care more for pigs than a person. Yes, the financial loss is real, but the restored man is, well, unreal. And does it make a difference whether it’s two pigs of 2000? Just mine or my friends’ too? Or should the soul of another person be worth much more to me. A man is free. Clothed. Peaceful. A miracle has occurred.

What legions haunt the souls I know? What habits possess? What sins control?

Who has power to cast them out? What is that worth?

In the Storm

Not the easiest of days in hard human life.

He couldn't even eat indoors due to the crowds. His family thought he was crazy & tried to kidnap him. He stated his real family was whoever would do God's will. The Pharisees, now dogging his every step, asserted he was controlled by the Devil. He countered with solid verbal punches in what was a theological prize fight. Later, teaching by the lake, the crowd pressed so that he had to teach seated in a boat on the water. Sun baked for hours. Exhausted. Evening arriving. He ordered the boat to set out for the other side of the lake. Finding the rudder-man's cushion he placed it as a pillow under his head & fell asleep upon the hard planks astern.

Not the easiest of days in a hard human life.

620 feet below sea level & surrounded by ravine-cut mountains the lake, or Sea of Galilee, was notorious for sudden squalls. Most in afternoons. Worse at night. Worse that night. A storm of seismic proportions blew in. Jesus, having lived not the easiest of days in a hard human life, slept still. Waves churning. Spray blowing. Rain falling. Boat sinking. Disciples shouting. His Disciples, some seasoned fishermen, were scared for their lives. They cried out, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" They had no where to turn but Jesus. They were right where God wanted them. Jesus was with them in the storm.

The Disciples wanted Jesus to do something for them.

Jesus wanted the Disciples to trust in him.

His presence was all they needed, yet they begged for his action.

We lose some of Jesus' force in translation. "Silence! Be muzzled!," he commands the wind & waves. Immediately the great storm became a megas or "great" calm.

When Jesus powerfully calmed the object of their fear his Disciples became fearful of him.

My greatest fear should not be of my situation. My greatest fear should be of Jesus' great power.

My greatest request should not be for his action. My greatest request should be assurance of Jesus' presence.

Next time I have not the easiest of days in my human life, I should remember: storms WILL come; God is with me; He will not allow me anywhere He can not effect; He will bring me through; He wants me to call on Him; His power changes everything.

(This post references Mark 3:20-4:41.)

Thou, O Lord

2009 was a tough year.

Threats & concerns that my ministry here was over. My errors & shortcomings discussed evident. Stung by some. Embraced by others. My failure palpable. My grief overwhelming at times. Trying to live life as a hubby & daddy, continue to minister, & act like all is well. Broken & humbled. Experiencing God’s grace profoundly.

Late Autumn during a week away with family God gave me peace. No matter what. Stay or go. He was in control. He’d take care of my family. My church. Me. He loved more than I could know or imagine.

Weeks later I headed out for a Saturday morning long run. Eight degrees. New worship music loaded on my iPod. My first listen. I did worship. With each breath. Each step. Through the cold. The dark. Each note. Each word. Through my pain. The grief.

And then. First time I’d ever heard it.

Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no help for him in God

Tears. Rolling down. Weeping. As I ran.

But thou, O Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, O Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

Tears. Freezing on my cheeks. Joyful. As I ran.

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

Arms. Uplifted in praise. Emboldened. As I ran.

Thou, O Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, O Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

Voice. Lifted in worship. Strengthened. As I ran.

Don’t know how many times I replayed it. Felt like I was running on air the remaining eight miles to loop back home. Those words of the Third Psalm inspiring me.

I have a second chance. Redemption.

We have a God of second chances. A Redeemer.

Why don’t you come back to Him? Your Protector, Provider, Redeemer.

Crunchy Mouth

We're eating our super sale price purchased Little Debbie snacks for a fun, little dessert after lunch today. John Mark eats... or inhales... his Honey Bun before Melanie has opened her Nutty Bar wrapper.

Being the Linebacker Toddler he is. Not afraid to ask. Not up on all his manners. Determined. Hungry. Answering his stomach's call. He begins to ask. Possibly whine. Wanting his Mama's Nutty Bars. Both of them.

Melanie kindly offers one.

"John Mark," trying to teach thankfulness & encourage contentedness, "what should you say?" I ask.

His crunchy mouth reply, "Give me the other one."

If it wasn't so funny to us, we'd have cried.

If it wasn't so true of us, we'd have scolded.

One Nutty Bar does not a glutton make. But "the other one" does a glutton illustrate.

Gluttony is the sin of too little & not enough. Always more. Rarely content. Appetite long. Patience short. Gluttony is not only about the stomach. But the wallet. The calendar. The toys. The stuff. The mind. It is control. Yet it controls. Gluttony is the sin elephant in the room of every Christ follower.

Give me the other one.

Out of the mouth of a babe. The first not fully in the mouth of the babe.

Am I a babe?

With a crunchy mouth reply?

Eye Keem

- No. No. No! No buy shoes. Eye keem. Stated my emphatic toddler.

Elementary school open house tonight. School starts Wednesday. My little princess will be a kindergartner. That's a whole other post... My big boy goes to third grade. I'm feeling old now. That's another post too... So, Melanie had floated the idea on the way there, "Anyone want to get ice cream after we go to school?" You can guess the response.

School was filled with people. Friends. Neighbors. Teachers. The new year ahead like the new kindergarten wing with everything bright, shiny & smelling of paint & clean carpet. There was some tugging of parents down the hall. Some calling of kids back to the family fold through the crowd. Yet, surprisingly no begging for ice cream.

Back in the car. One family member had his face firmly set.

- You guys wanna go to Zesto? Mama asks.

- No Zehtoh. Eye keem.

- John Mark, Zesto is where we get the ice cream.

- No Zehtoh, Mama. Eye keem!

- John Mark, we go to Zesto to get ice cream.

- Eye keem. Ah wahn eye keem. No Zehtoh.

- Okay, John Mark, we'll get ice cream.

Satisfied with no mention of Zesto & only ice cream we motored along talking about other things. Until. Melanie noticed a good, old - stress old, folks - pair of shoes she was wearing had an all the sudden hole in the long faithful leather. I said, "We gotta go buy Mama a new pair of shoes." You've already read the response that received.

- No. No. No! No buy shoes. Eye keem.

John Mark wanted to hear nothing but eye keem. Talk nothing but eye keem. Go nowhere but eye keem. He was not ugly or pitching a fit. He was kindly insistent with precious pronunciation.

I had to wonder. Even though I know that I can not change God's mind. He desires my faith. He is loving. He will give good gifts so much more. He answers my persistence. Can I pray? Can I act? Can I be as single-minded & persistent as my young son? About things that really matter? About following Jesus? Loving my family? Serving my church?

Zesto was closed. Broken machine sign said. McDonald's for eye keem.

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Matthew 7:9-11 (italics added)

Hungry

Sweet, little Mary Elizabeth has been sick.  Not strep.  Not flu.  Tested for those.  Just a virus that won't let go.  She has had no desire to eat.  Feels yucky.  Little she does eat.  Won't stay too long.  Listless & hollow.  Wish I could make it all better.

Mama was taking ME to the Pediatrician today.  Infected cut on her hand may be complicating her virus recovery.  Weak immune system thing.  So, Mama, ME & John Mark did a little shopping before Doc.  I met them at the Docs office to take JM home just before noon.

Raiding the fridge at home this hungry Daddy says, "I'm gonna fix some lunch."  JM's toddlerspeak, "I wuhn to eee luhn too-ooo, Dah-dee!"  Fix me a sammy.  Fresh lunchmeat.  Sharp cheddar.  Good stuff.  Fix my boy a quesadilla.  Cheese only.  Microwaved.  Easy stuff.

JM is my linebacker toddler.  The boy can eat.  3/4s of his quesadilla.  A dozen cherries.  Dad knows we need fruit.  And a few bites of Dad's sammy too.  Did I tell you the boy can eat?

About then his Mama calls.  Doctor went well.  Going to get Rx.  What are we doing?

"Just ate lunch," I said.

"John Mark ate again?"  Is the not-too-surprised Mama question.

"I didn't know he ate the first time," I reply looking to see if my boy's belly is bursting.

"Yes, he had SEVEN McNuggets at Walmart.  What'd he eat this time?"  Comes the not-surprised-at-all-now Mama question.

And I told her the story I just told you.

My boy was hungry.

My boy ate.

My boy didn't tell me he'd already had lunch!

My boy.

Had to ask myself.  Am I hungry?  Like Mary Elizabeth with a sickness that keeps me from wanting to eat?  Or like John Mark who can't get enough?

And, what am I hungry for?  What do I come back to the table for?  When I've already eaten?  Can't get enough of?  As the Daddy, the adult, what drives my life?

Blessed are those who hunger & thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.  Matthew 5:6

Carrying

A warm spring day years ago when he was a toddler, Seth & I went to a Texas Rangers game. We sat high up from the right field foul line with few other fans around. With 20,000 empty seats there was plenty of space so we didn't sit for long. Seth wanted to roam. Up & down. Aisles to aisle. Home plate to foul pole. Right to left & back again & again & again in the picture of Ameriquest Field above. He had no concern for the game. He just toddled.

By the end of the game, going down the broad, spiralling walkway toward the exit Seth started to stumble. Weak from too many little steps around the big ballpark. Worn with blisters beginning on the sides of his sandals. I did what any Dad would do. I put him on my back to carry him. The tireless roamer laid his head on my back as I marched toward the car.

Yesterday, I was convicted by a verse:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

Romans 8:26

I was captured by the phrase "in our weakness."

The Bible has more to say about weakness:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Jesus' power is made perfect in our power? No. We delight in power? No. When I am powerful, then I am strong? No.

Weakness.

Our weakness. Astheneia in Greek means our "sickness, infirmity, feebleness or frailty." Sounds like that's close to the end. Sounds bad. Sounds like surrender. Surrender of our will. Giving up our delusion of control.

Yet it is there, at the end of ourselves, that the Spirit meets us to "help" us. And from the rare category of words defined with fewer letters or syllables that than the word itself posses... that Greek word for "help", sunantilambanomai, means "to carry with."

One of its roots is lambano, to receive or take. Among its occurrences in New Testament is Matthew 8:17. It says Jesus "took up" our astheneia (weakness, infirmity). To me that means, "to carry for."

Weak?

At the end?

Who is carrying with you?

Who is carrying for you?

Tears for a Friend

Have you ever cried for a friend?

You hurt because they hurt. You wish you could change their circumstances. You want to make it all better. You pray that everything would come right. You cry for a friend.

You see where things are headed. You expect the anticipated end. You know its just not here yet. You hope the end comes or maybe you hope against it. You cry for a friend.

I am comforted. Jesus cried for his friend, Lazarus. Jesus knows hurt. Jesus knows life. Jesus knows pain. Jesus knows me. He knows my friend.

Thank you, Jesus, for tears.

Thank you, Jesus, for my friend.

Thank you, Jesus, for befriending me.

Question Marks

Olympic marathoner, Peter Maher states, "Running is a big question mark that's there each & every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp, or are you going to be strong today?'"

I finished my second marathon feeling more wimp than strong on Saturday whipped by the 20-plus mph north winds that arrested my steps six out of the final eight miles. With greater nausea than celebration I crossed the finish line 10 minutes & 41 seconds beyond my four hour goal. Was I strong? Did I wimp out?

Running isn't a question mark for most. Life is. Work is. Marriage. Money. Parenting. Love. Forgiveness. Self. Pain. Addiction. Past. Future. Those are question marks.

How will I answer?

Where will I turn?

What will I do?

Who will I trust?

"There are grave difficulties on every hand, and more are looming ahead; therefore, we must go forward," wrote William Carey, founder of the modern missionary movement & no stranger to danger.

Psalm 23 goes so far to say that God's people will "walk through the valley of the shadow of death" & not over or around it. In John 10, Jesus refers to himself as the Good Shepherd who protects & cares for his followers that he analogizes to sheep. In verse four Jesus says, "his sheep follow him because they know his voice."

What do I do with the question marks in my life? The big ones? The scary ones? The little ones too?

Follow Jesus.

Move forward.

Answer the questions.

New Day

You & I are witnesses of & participants in a new day every morning when we arise. The Bible tells us that God’s mercies are new every morning. New day. New choices. New you?

Each day our lives answer questions like the following whether we realize it or not... Will I live like the same old, same old or seek something new & challenging? Will I stretch & grow into new areas or will I allow circumstances, my past or other’s perceptions to dominate me? Will I choose to handle any baggage set in my lap or simply wallow deeper in my present mess?

Many of us are walking wounded or playing hurt. We don’t even want to admit it or slow down to treat it. We are a hurt people. And we hurt others.

Yet, there is hope. The Bible overflows with hope & healing. Hope for our hurts & healing for our brokenness are available if we will only choose to apply God’s Words to our lives. And those principles are found neatly in the Beatitudes of Matthew 5:3-10. Jesus offers us freedom from our hurts, habits, & hang-ups if we choose to follow him there.

Making new choices requires courage. Making new choices means change. Making new choices takes risk.

Our economy may continue to be weak for the months ahead. Our jobs may be in jeopardy as long as the economy sputters. Our bills may be higher forcing us to concessions. Our relationships may be strained due to circumstances. Our world may be in turmoil with all signs pointing toward its end. Yet we can make new choices because we have a new day, new mercies, new hope, & an everlasting, all-powerful, all-loving, amazing grace God who is the same all the time. He will lead us through. Follow with me.

Poor Ostriches

Change is the new national buzzword. Some want change they can believe in while others may not believe the changes that have taken place. Churchfolk sometimes treat change within the church like it’s the four-letter-word that they don’t want the other churchfolk to know they holler when they smash a thumb. As a provoker of change toward Christ I’d grown fond of saying, “Change is not a four-letter-word,” until a dear Deacon Brother panned, “Preacher, it’s got six letters & that’s worse.”

Better or worse it’s part of life. It’s natural & expected. Who wants to be stuck in second grade forever or eat even the cheesiest of macaroni & cheeses for every meal? My second grader wouldn’t abide either of those options, would you?

Churches are poor ostriches however. We try to hide, deny, & avoid change while we should be expecting it as long as we’re still kicking. Lack of change equals death, right?

Challenging responses to change include: hand-wringing; past-preoccupation; denial; blaming; dividing; rationalizing; talking about others; checking out for self.

Christ-like responses to change include: anticipating change; prayer; Bible study; resisting sin; more prayer; talking to others; uniting; even more prayer; checking in to serve.

Good Hair

Few weeks ago... Mama out for hours. Mary Elizabeth wanted a pony tail. Big one. In the back. Yet proper preschool hairstyling is not in the Daddy Manual & Daddy seems to have missed Mama's ponytail lessons. What's a Daddy to do?

Grab ponytail holder. Pull back hair. Gently. Make a loop. Gently. And another. Gently. And a third. But can't. Quite. Get. Long. Auburn. Hair. Through. Third. Time.

Big brown eyes look knowingly at Daddy. He's struggling. She's sympathetic. What's a Daddy to do?

Daddy idea. Long hair. Not ponytailed. But pulled up. Don't know what to call it, but this Daddy gambles and as prestigiously as proud Papa possible pronounces, "Mary Elizabeth, you look like Sarah Palin."

Moment of truth. Big brown eyes look into the mirror. Head turns left. Looking. Then right. Satisfied smile spreads across preschool cheeks. Relieved smile spreads across Daddy cheeks.

Forward to last night... Prayer time. Daddy mentions elections. Tongue tip response of Mary Elizabeth, "I wanna vote for the Girl President with good hair. The one who Daddy made my hair look like."

If only good hair or a good personality made a good person or a good politician. A good politician is an oxymoron good for who? A good person is a reality good through Jesus. Heaven help our nation on this day of decision.

The Difference

Oh, the difference a week makes. You've heard the cliche.

Is there truth to it?

Last Sunday I committed to give a certain amount of money to my church. Monday I was convicted to give this money to another with a need greater than my own. From the Spirit I heard, "Choose to respond in faith, Aaron, & not by what you think is reasonable." My reasoning can get me in trouble. What did I do last Monday?

I chose faith.

Tuesday a large anonymous gift was given to more-than-cover all my commitment to the church. The graciousness of our God & the loving generosity of others is amazing! Since then God has provided further "evidence" for my ever-reasonable mind to walk by faith & not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

The situation is still tenuous. I still feel some guilty responsibility. Yet I am strengthened in my faith that The One I trust is in absolute control.

On Thursday another guest arrived impolite & certainly without invitation. A dear brother I love & respect received a diagnosis of cancer. How do I respond?

Maybe the answer I need is in a change to the cliche...

Oh, the difference faith makes.

The righteous will live by faith. Galatians 3:11b

woulda-coulda-shoulda

The Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Monster came calling recently.

I would've thought...

I could've done...

I should've said...

Second-guessing. Hurting. Grieving. Asking the "if" question in every way conceivable. Wishing I'd have known or done or been better.

The Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Monster can beat a guy up. Have you been there? Did he leave a mark? Can you show me the scars?

My shortcomings are long. My fallibilities are infinite. My needs are... do I even know them all?

Lord Jesus, you have promised. I will trust. Lead. I will follow. Speak. I will listen. That Monster represents the past. I'll take those lumps. Learn those lessons. Not miss those steps again. I will walk on, humbled, as your follower. I trust my future to you, Jesus.

How is it?

How is that God uses me? A weak vessel. Prone to wander. Distracted by the lesser. Tempted by evil. Willing to question. Admittedly sinful.

How is it that the Creator, Sustainer, Lover, Redeemer, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent God of the whole universe would choose to use the likes of any of us at all? Failed. Flawed. Selfish. Sinful. Misgiving. Humanity. To accomplish His will on Earth?

Immediately. As I sit & ponder. Wondering what to write. How to answer myself. The Spirit reminds that the Father already has.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world, and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is our righteousness, holiness & redemption. 1 Corinthians 1:27-30

He chose.

Humbled?

Where do I put my trust?

You know the feeling. Bopping along through life. All is going well. Maybe even great. You're trusting the Lord. But you have no big challenges. You're comfortable. And then...

Something comes along to knock you off balance. Pull the rug out. Tip your apple cart. Fill-the-blank with your own cliche. But you know the feeling, right?

And, as it may seem, the creators of disequilibrium tend to bring a stationwagon load of their unexpected cousins along for the visit too. Before you know it you're on the existential elevator rapidly heading south.

"Whoa! Where have I put my trust? What have I allowed to become my security? Where has my dependence relocated all-the-while me unaware that it moved out?"

Where do I really put my trust? Or, more appropriately, who do I put my trust in?

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7

Do I put my trust in the created (myself & others) or in the Creator?

Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Galatians 3:3

"Oh, Lord my God, keep me from foolish, human dependence. May my trust be firmly, only in You."